When and How to Talk to Your Senior Parents about Giving Up Their Keys

Do you remember the feeling of freedom that came with your first set of keys? Maybe it was for your family’s car, or maybe you saved up some money over several summers to get your own beater, but there’s no denying how your view of the world changed when you could finally get out of the house and go somewhere on your own. 

Even as we get older and frustrating traffic, bad weather, or long commutes can make driving tedious, the feeling of being able to get out and drive never really fades, which is why it can be so hard to talk to an elder in your family about giving up their keys. For many people, driving is directly related to independence, and being unable to drive can affect someone’s sense of self-sufficiency. 

Why Even Bring It Up?

Safety is among the most significant reasons to ask someone like a parent to hang up their keys. According to the U.S. National Institute on Aging, driving can be more difficult as we age. Medical and health conditions change with age, which can impact a senior's abilities behind the wheel. 

The Canadian Automobile Association (CAA), the Canadian Medical Association (CMA), and Health Canada explain that vision changes as we age. The field of view can narrow, and the ability to focus also deteriorates. These all significantly impact how we drive safely on the road, where you need to see lights, lane markings, signs, pedestrians, and more. 

The CMA also points out that degenerative or inflammatory arthritis can result in pain and loss of muscle strength, limiting the motion and function of joints. This means people with arthritis (something Health Canada says will affect a majority of Canadians by age 70) may have difficulty turning their heads to perform important safety checks like checking blind spots before changing lanes or looking back while reversing.

Can the Government Take Your License Away?

You may want to talk to your parents or an elder about hanging up their keys because they may not be able to drive safely anymore, and while a suggestion from a concerned family member or friend should be taken seriously, the government also has a protocol to help.

People typically pass a driving test in their teenage years, but many provinces have a renewal process for those aged 80 and up. 

For example, in Ontario, octogenarians must watch a senior driver education video, book an appointment at a ServiceOntario location, and complete a vision test and screening exercise. In Ontario, the screening exercise involves the clock test, which is often used (along with many other tests) to screen for dementia. After their appointment, they may be asked to pass a road test or provide medical information. In Quebec and British Columbia, the renewal process for those aged 80 and older involves a health assessment by a medical professional to gauge if the driver is still fit to drive. If someone fails these tests, the government will not renew their driver’s license. 

Preparing for the Talk

Your concerns about the safety of an elderly driver in your life may be justified, but how do you get ready for a conversation with a parent about giving up their keys?

Laura Tamblyn, CEO of the national senior advocacy organization CanAge has written a book on talking to your parents about these potentially difficult topics. Let's Talk About Aging Parents, by Tamblyn has a section about the signs you should be aware of before having the conversation. Some of these are obvious, like delayed response times when braking, or seeing more bumps and scrapes on their vehicle. Other signs — like hearing more stories about nearly hitting another car, person, or object — may be more indirect. Another sign may be that your parents are getting called out by other drivers on the road. 

If you’re worried about their driving and want to talk about limiting their time on the road, Tamblyn says you should discuss reducing their driving risk. That means taking steps towards self-regulation, rather than just taking their keys and independence away. Tamblyn says ways to reduce driving risks may include the following:

• Drive primarily in short distances to and from places they know well.
• Drive in quiet local areas with limited traffic and limit their time on the highway.
• Drive only in the daytime and in good weather.
• Consider a new car with more safety features, like collision warning sensors and additional cameras.

Tamblyn also identifies resources available for seniors to help sharpen their driving skills. For example, Ultimate Drivers Canada and Academy of Driving Unipol, two Ontario-based driving schools, offer senior driving programs that can even help reduce insurance premiums. The 55 Alive Driver Refresher Course, offered by the Canada Safety Council, is also available to help update a senior's driving skills.

Life After Driving

Limiting a senior’s driving doesn’t mean ending their independence. Several resources are available for seniors who want to get around, complete their errands, or go on adventures. Public transportation providers like the TTC in Toronto or HSR in Hamilton offer accessible transportation services. The HSR even provides a Golden Pass for riders aged 80 and older, which lets them ride for free. Other third-party programs like Toronto iRide Plus, and CHATS in Toronto, Keys Please in Calgary, and Comfort Keepers in B.C. exist to help with mobility. 

iRide Plus has delivered over 21,000 rides for seniors in the past year. “Our trained, friendly drivers are dedicated to providing safe, comfortable, and affordable door-to-door transportation to ensure that clients can maintain their independence and access the services they need,” says Lisa Rae, Director of Volunteer and Community Programs at the Sinai Health Circle of Care, which runs iRide Plus. “This program is a vital resource that supports not just mobility, but also the overall well-being of our clients.” Rides can be pre-booked 28 days in advance, ideal for those who need to get to medical or specialist appointments, but there is also a seven-day booking window for non-medical appointments. 

Rideshare apps like Uber and Lyft can also be used by seniors if they’re comfortable with technology. These driving alternatives have plenty of benefits for seniors, as they don’t have to deal with tedious traffic or finding a parking spot at their destination.

Final Thoughts

You shouldn’t feel guilty that the safety of your parents or others on the road is a significant concern. Your parent likely gave you a stern conversation about safety and responsibility when handing you a set of keys when you were younger; it should only make them proud that the process has come full circle.