The A to Zs of Naming Your Kid After a Car

There is a treasure trove of names to be found in the world of autodom. From elegant to lyrical, from trendy to traditional, from the sublime to the ridiculous, they are all here. Junior never had it so good.

Aztek

Perhaps you have a fascination with the ancient Mesoamerican culture (spelled Aztec), you are a fan of Breaking Bad (Walter White drove a pathetic beige Pontiac Aztek) or your offspring is just heroically homely.

Also consider: Austin, Allard

Bertone

A legendary Italian design house famous for door-stop-wedge fantasy concepts. With a name like this, you’ll be buying Armani onesies.

Also: Boss, Bentley

Caprice

Sure, this was a pretty average Chevy, but the name slips off the tongue quite nicely. It means “a sudden and unaccountable change of mood or behaviour”. Perfect for teenage girls.

Also: Chevy, Carrera

Dauphine

Another lovely name attached to a rather unlovely car – the 1956–67 Renault Dauphine had googly eyes, a wicked overbite and plenty of junk (845 cc four-cylinder) in the truck. On second thought, scratch this one….

Also: Delahaye, Dino

Endeavor

Yes, the Endeavor was a forgettable Mitsubishi SUV, but Endeavor is Inspector Morse’s first name, and he drove a classic Jaguar Mark 2 sedan. So there.

Also: Excalibur, Edsel

Fiero

Name your progeny after a plastic, mid-engine Pontiac sports car. He will gain a cult following of weirdos.

Also: Ferrari, Firenza

Griffith

British specialty sports car maker TVR made the V8-powered, fibreglass-bodied Griffith between 1991 and 2002. It was fast and beautiful. Helpful hint: If Griffith has a sister, call her Gwyneth.

Also: Ginetta, Graham

Homy Super Long

Yes, Nissan did indeed attach this handle to a Japanese market-camper van. Your son will become an filthy rich rapper – guaranteed.

Also: Healy, Hudson

Isotta

Italian luxury car maker Isotta Fraschini sold fantastically expensive and ornate limos to American aristocrats and movie stars during the 20s and 30s. Rudolf Valentino has one, and a 1929 Isotta Fraschini was featured in the 1950 film Sunset Boulevard.

Also: Isetta, Isuzu

Jensen

The Jensen Interceptor (1966–76) was a striking British luxury sports coupe powered by a Chrysler 383 V8. Offered AWD drive in a passenger car long before Audi.

Also: Jazz, Justy

K-Car

It saved Chrysler Corporation. The Barenaked Ladies sang about them. The fancy ones had vinyl roofs and velour interiors… fine then, just call your kid Kay.

Also: Kluger, Kestrel

Lucas

Known as “The Prince of Darkness”, Mr. Lucas was responsible for the notoriously unreliable electrical systems that hobbled earlier British cars for decades. Probably one of the most cursed names in history. Your child can change all this.

Also: Lola, Lotus

Mercer

An intriguing girl’s name, the 1910–14 Mercer (Raceabout) was a fast, flashy plaything for the spoiled rich lads of the day… uh, better scratch this one too.

Also: Morgan, Marcos.

Norton

You can’t go wrong naming your son after a classic British motorcycle. Also the lovable sidekick on the Honeymooners.

Also: Nash, Nobel

Orion

An unremarkable European Ford sedan (1983–93) with an okay name.

Also: Opel, One

Portia

Sounds like Porsche. ’Nuff said.

Also: Princess, Pierce

Q

Please do not call your child Qashqai, Quattro, Qvale, Qoros or Quattroporte. Maybe Queenie.

Rover

Well, we can’t keep the dog out of this.

Also: Riley, Reynard

Sterling

A fine, upstanding, and elegant British name. Too bad the car was a POS.

Also: Sunny, Singer

Tata

This cutesy handle comes from the Indian conglomerate that we must all thank for saving Jaguar and Land Rover. It is also slang for a certain part of the anatomy… damn. Never call your kid Tata.

Also: Tesla, Torino

(Pictured: a Jaguar F-Type. Even F-Type is better than Tata.)

Urraco

You’d have to be a Lamborghini devotee to saddle your child with this name. The very pretty Urraco (1973–79) got its handle from a fighting bull that killed toreador Manolete.

Also: Uno, Ulysse

Victor

And here a pattern emerges. Fantastic names attached to crappy British cars: the Vauxhall Victor.

Also: Vale, Vincent

Wartburg

Think of this as tough love. Naming your kid after an unloved smelly relic of Soviet rule, he will grow up strong and resilient, able to forge through life with steely independence. Or not.

Also: Willys, Wolesley

Xantia

Cool name. Your daughter will never have to know she is named after a rather dull four-door Citroën that was manufactured between 1993 and 2002.

Also: uh… Xsara?

Yugo

Has a swarthy, Eastern Bloc ring to it. Yes, the rust-prone Yugo inspired countless jokes (“How do you double the value of your Yugo? Fill up the tank.”), but naming your progeny Yugo will expedite certain requests, like “Yugo take out the garbage,” or “Yugo over there and be quiet.”

Also: Yeti, Ypsilon

(Pictured: Yaris, the editor's choice. Who doesn't remember Uncle Yaris?)

Zil

Zil has been the limousine of choice for Soviet and Russian diplomats for decades. This name should be reserved for children of eccentric performers. Zil, meet Blanket Jackson, Dweezil Zappa and Apple Paltrow.

Also: Zagato, Zafira

A Zonda by any other name… 9/11/2017 10:00:00 AM